I showed up at his work one day (my friend worked there too) and it was the first time I met him - he had red hair, beard, and he was hmm weird.  I never really noticed him so much. One day I came in and wam bam i noticed him - his beard was gone and he was smiling like normal.  I had decided to hang around that night...for hours.  We flirted, we flirted, and flirted some more.  After about a week, my friend asked him to go on a date with me (we were still in high school - give me a break!) So we went to a beach in the town where I live and sat on the end of a pier and just talked.  When it came time to leave - we had the awkward first kiss - than left. 

I don't know what it was - honestly.  We continued to see each other - just a lot more than before.  We saw movies, went to countless dinners, we lived in a small town so there wasn't much else to do. Hence the pier on our first date. 

I was driving somewhere, i don't even remember where - but I remember it just hitting me, like "wow omg I'm in love." Than I got extremely happy, than extremely giddy. I wish I could remember us actually saying it to each other for the first time, but I just can't.

I remember when I thought forever was in our future when we were at a local 'show'.  It was dark outside and a line of snowboarders with torches came down the mountain in front of us - it was the most beautiful site and we were wrapped in each others arms and I remember looking behind me at him and smiling and he smiled back and kissed me so passionatly - my leg came up, just like in the movies!

We had an amazing time together at my senior prom.  He bought me dinner, a flower, we even cordinated (not in cheesy Britney & Justin all jeans kind of cordinate but a cute cordinate...in my opinion at least) :) Me in my baby blue dress, him in his white tux with EXACT baby blue tie - we slow danced, we walked out to the pier where pictures/sunset was happening - it was true happiness.

Well pure bliss couldn't last forever - he moved back home which was across the country. I remember at the airport when he left saying goodbye.  We had a thing where he would take one hand and point to his eye, than with both hands 'draw' a heart over his heart, than point both fingers back at me - and I lost it in that moment, I couldn't believe he was leaving me. I felt so hurt, so betrayed, and hollow. Well sooner rather than later I started thinking (which is where red flags go up for me) I was a senior in high school and was going off to college soon and I had it in my head that I didn't want to be tied down. So I broke it off with him ... I remember that conversation and the hurt and tears in his voice.  And tears in my eyes. 

That first Christmas I came home, he moved back to my hometown and we saw each other. I remember pulling up and seeing him for the first time in 6 or so months and I had butterflies and tingles all over.  I just didn't think anything of it at the time.  He gave me such an amazing thoughtful gift and I just about cried - we ended up having sex, taking showers together, falling right back into what we had. It came time for me to drive back to school to Denver, CO (a good two 8-hour drive) and he even went with me!!!! He drove whole way while we talked and joked around and laughed.  He stayed in my dorm room for two nights and I was SO mean to him and telling him 'oh i wanna look single, don't walk to close to me' and STUPID STUPID STUPID stuff like that because at that time, the sunshine lit my ass and I was center of universe of course.  He than flew back home to where we had just left, on his own dime and I, being the Princess Bitch let him go without fighting.

I've realized now what a mistake it was.  To little to late.  Last I heard he was happy with his girlfriend which is so fantastic.  I'm glad he's so happy - i just wish it was with me, but I realized it to late.  That was 2006 when it all happened - to this day I miss him like crazy.  I think about him every single day.  I will never forget my first love.

And in all honesty, my only love to this day.

His name is Miles. He was my boyfriend in the beginning of my junior year in high school.  I was his first girlfriend. His first kiss. His first love.  His first heartbreak.  We remained friends for awhile. I had found out later that he had a brain tumor. It was also the time I moved to Denver, unbeknownst to each other he moved as well. I attended hospital visits with him, meetings/updates with doctors, and when his head was hurting, I'd leave my dorm room and come pick him up and take him to the hospital and sit with him.

Unfortunatly, we did have a falling out.

I didn't hear from him - until a mutual friend (one who I hadn't talked to in 5+ years) told me he was dying..quickly.  I called him within an hour of hearing the news and getting his number.  The way he talked about it - he was so open and so brave. I'm not, nor will I ever be good with death. My mother died when I was young and I can't stand to lose people from my life. 

When I talked to him, he said the sweetest things to me.  He remembered a night in which I had lied to my parents and told them I was snowed in and was going to stay the night at my girl friend's house - when in fact I crashed at Miles's house.  He told me it was the greatest night of his life. He spoke details about it.  He remembered little things.  He repeatedly told him that he missed me, really missed me. Knowing just how much I really meant to him just breaks my heart. He's in Denver, CO and I'm as far away in Nevada as you could get. I'm flat broke and want to see him more than anything. MORE than ANYTHING. I know I'd have to stay strong if I do see him - but I don't trust myself to stay strong.

So keep him in your prayers along with me.